Thinker. Dreamer. Lover

The light cannot shine bright, without passing through the dark, piercing it and radiating outwards.

Greatness of spirit is not born from a life of comfort and ease, but from having overcome hardships, tribulations, strife, persevering and transforming itself in perpetuity.

Love is only as pure as the heart of the person selflessly sharing it. It takes profound vulnerability and expecting nothing in return but the satisfaction of having made someone else feel good, feel great, feel safe enough to be themself.

The greatest desire in my heart is and remains to love and be loved unconditionally, convinced that in that conviviality, I would shine bright and that my spirit would endlessly be regenerated, capable of producing more of the greatness that is in me as a person.

I have a lot of light and love to give, but it can only shine so fiercely because of all that I have been through. It is a type of love that is committed and devoted because it is the ultimate expression of what is the deepest longing in my heart, to be loved for both the light that I have to share as well as the darkness that surrounds it and from which such levity and pureness of spirit has taken form.

It is not a violent darkness; it is deep sadness from such magnanimous and perpetual loss. It stems from a place of insecurity, of not having been reassured and validated that I was someone worthy of being wanted and being loved. A lifetime of abandonment, neglect, exclusion and ultimately betrayal, in which my benevolence has chosen the high road and forgiven each transgression and those who have inflicted such pain. Aware that they themselves suffer and hurt. Yet, this endless grace and mercy that I give is not done freely, but comes at a steep price and takes it’s toll in the person I am today.

I live acutely aware of my core wound and still feel it’s grip and presence in my adult self. I fear that I will never be enough, just as I am. That I am inherently flawed and unlovable. An affliction that has formed the very fiber of my existence and predicates from my story of origin. Yet in this heightened state of hyperconsciousness, I endeavor endlessly to give what I have not yet been given, pure love.

Love is not just a feeling. It is a choice that you make and that requires effort and investment in yourself and in the people who you choose to love. True love, I believe is authentic and real and emanates a compassion for the object of one’s affection that gives them the space to be exactly who they are. This means embracing the darkness that they may be struggling to leave behind and perceiving the true potential of the person by looking into their soul. I have the capacity to give this type of love, because I am vulnerable and have been real with myself and know that this is who I am. I bare my soul, not to just anyone, but to a select few that touch me enough to believe in them.

To those kindred spirits who care to truly see me, I radiate my light and shower them with warmth, kindness, and energy and allow myself to spread wings and fully take shape, I am like the Phoenix. Majestic and intimidating, a looming reminder that to have become the purveyor of light, I have risen from the ashes and been shaped in the darkness which molds me with each rebirth. I am formidable to look upon and if you are afraid of the dark, you will not be able to bear witness . Ignited, I may be provoked by any sense of the hidden, of the false or insincere and become indignant to any benefactor of my goodwill who does not divulge their true nature. I can stand brooding, almost as though enraged, but I do not attack, instead I retreat, because in fact, I am a regal beast and although impressive in my stature, at the core, I am a humble being who seeks to find the one that will look upon me, accept me and love me unequivocally in return.